How death can help us live and love more fully
Death, not the most comfortable of topics, nor what you generally think of when it comes to love. While it might seem counterintuitive, facing our mortality can actually inspire profound shifts in our perspective and become a powerful catalyst for helping us love more deeply, authentically and passionately.
1. Gratitude – Once you start to come to terms with the fact that you will die, appreciation for the
smaller things in life is heightened. Time is our most valuable resource and none of us can
guarantee how much we have. This awareness allows us to be more mindful and grateful of
every moment shared with the people we love.
2. Priorities – Take a moment now to imagine yourself on your death bed. What will you wish you
had done more of? What will you wish you had done less of? What will give you a sense of
meaning? As you reflect on your life, the things that are important to you become crystal clear.
Death is a great teacher in helping us get our priorities straight. When all is said and done, was it
the fancy car or loyal friendship that meant more to you? Was it working late nights or being at
every one of your kid’s soccer games? This thought experiment can help you preemptively make
decisions in the present that will be more value aligned and meaningful in the long term.
3. Openness – With the acknowledgment of death comes a freedom in being able to love and
communicate. YOLO (you only live once) is a great mantra that reminds us this is the only life we
have so…why not? What’s the worst that could happen? Better yet, what could come of it? Be
kind, share a compliment, and tell someone you love them. Are you willing to take it to the
grave and die with the regret of what you haven’t done?
4. Impermanence – This too shall pass. While it’s human nature to want to hold on to the good
things, we all know that change is the only constant in life. We are designed to grow, age and
evolve. This is the beauty of humans. Fear of abandonment, rejection and loss can keep us
emotionally imprisoned in hypothetical worlds. Coming to terms with the impermanence of life
creates space for more joy, freedom and peace. It allows us to stay grateful in the what is, rather
than be hooked on what was or what might be.
In a world often defined by distractions and superficiality, the contemplation of death can be a
powerful, confronting and disruptive. For some, many of lives decisions have been made based on fear or on someone else’s accord. The beauty of free will is that we all have the power; you have the autonomy to make decisions that empower you and direct your existence towards the life you wish to cultivate. If there is a part of you, deep inside, that is gnawing to have a more fulfilling life, love, marriage, sexuality or deeper intimate relationship, perhaps it is time to do an inventory on yourself and your needs. If you are not fulfilled, can you afford to spend another 5- 10 years like this? If your time was up tomorrow, would you be satisfied with the way you love today?
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