Recognizing when a relationship has reached its expiry
If there is one thing for certain in life, it’s change, and relationships are no exception. While it’s romantic and hopeful to believe they’ll last forever, the truth is not all will, and that’s okay and normal. Recognizing when a relationship has passed its expiry date is crucial for the well-being of everyone involved. Here are some tips to identify when that time is nearing or has passed.
Self-honesty: You have to start being brutally honest with yourself. Sit with your emotions, your gut, your intuition and listen. We all have an innate sense when things don’t feel quite right. Your relationship doesn’t need to be in a ball of flames for you to want or need to call it.
Consistent Unhappiness: If you are generally stressed, anxious, unsettled or resentful towards your partner, that can be a pretty big sign. A good relationship should nourish you, not deplete you or increase dysregulation.
Lack of Communication: Communication is the lifeline of any relationship. If you don’t talk about real things, feelings, your internal world or shared future vision, or you notice you don’t want to talk about these things, it’s a red flag.
Lost Sense of Self: Ask your closest and oldest friends if you’re not sure about this one. They’ll be able to tell you without the defenses of your own mind. If you don’t feel like yourself, or you’ve lost your spark, or even compromised your values, it might be time to look at the dynamic.
Trust & Respect: Any relationship spent worrying about the ability to trust demands extreme amounts of wasted emotional energy, anxiety and fear. Sometimes trust issues can be repaired, other times, the damage is irreparable. If you notice that you have lost respect for your partner, for whatever reason, this is a significant nail in the coffin. It will be near impossible for you to have a strong, healthy, nurturing, flourishing and equal relationship without this component.
Different Life Paths: Not everyone has the same vision for their life. People change, grow, evolve and some stay the same. You may no longer be compatible. The relationship might not make sense after the kids grow up. If you don’t have a shared vision for the future, it might be time to re-imagine who your future is with.
Lack of Intimacy: Interest for sex and intimacy can ebb and flow, however extended periods of a complete lack of intimacy (of one or many kinds) can be another sign of the expiry date nearing or having been passed.
More Bad Times Than Good: Reflect on the ratio of good times to bad. If your memories and experiences are predominantly negative, and the thought of a future with your partner doesn’t bring you joy, it might be time to move on. But don’t just settle for 50/50 either. What is a ratio that you would be content with?
Recognizing a relationship has reached its end can be gut-wrenching. Grieving a shared life, letting go of an imagined future, and saying goodbye to someone you’ve held so close can be deeply painful experiences. However, staying when you know it’s not right also bears its own emotional and psychological challenges. Resentment and regret are the two biggest costs, and the more time that passes, the more difficult it is to face those realities. We are all running out of time. What kind of life and love do you want? Though painful, breakups can be a door to healing, growth, new beginnings and opportunities, if you decide to take them.
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