Why it’s important not to have “the talk” but ensure your kids think critically about sex & representation
For many years I’ve been asking adults about the sex education they received in their youth. To this day, not one person has answered that is was comprehensive, diverse or realistic. The over-whelming majority explain that they sourced information from magazines, the grape-vine and good ole trial and error. Whether it be religious beliefs, family values or our own discomfort around the subject, the responsibility of sex education seems to be a perpetual game of pass the buck. However, with the emergence of ubiquitous internet access and infinite sexually explicit content, it is dire that we critically analyze what is being produced against what constitutes healthy and respectful sexuality.
The internet is everywhere you turn: your laptop, phone, smart watch, and smart TV. Kids can get online anywhere anytime. Consequently, they have access to adult entertainment sites. While attempts at censorship or site blocking can be made, full control over what your child views is almost impossible. Statistics suggest the average age of first exposure to porn is 11 years old, more than a decade before the pre-frontal cortex has finished developing. Not only is this inappropriate, it can be dangerous and damaging for their psycho-social development. Early and repeated exposure to porn can not only create unrealistic expectations and standards, but warp a sense of normality around bodies, identities, roles, performance and behaviour.
There are also limitations on what type of sex education schools can provide, many lacking diversity or having religious ideology which may or may not be inclusive to those who identify outside the norm. The world is quickly evolving with regards to gender, identity and sexuality and it is difficult to stay up to speed. What is paramount is that our children feel safe, accepted, loved, respected and have accurate and age-appropriate information to support them in making healthy and informed decisions.
We cannot stop the adult entertainment industry, the content it produces or the internet, so we must learn to deal with it. Forget “the talk” on the birds and the bees. Most kids don’t want to have it with their parents anyway. My key advice is to have critical discussions on these subjects using cinema & music culture as references for the basis of conversation. Using content that is fresh, relevant and speaks to the times gives you a much better chance of engaging your kids.
1. Watch the Netflix Series Sex Education. This show is age appropriate and covers all the awkward bits about being a teen. Light-hearted, educational and fun, this series will allow you to talk about sex related issues through the characters and their stories.
2. Ask your kid what music they are listening to. Watch the music video together. Discuss the lyrics. Often lyrics are about relationships. What messages are being portrayed? Do they agree?
3. Watch a movie together. Deconstruct the film, characters and relationships at the end. Stay curious. Ask your child what they thought about the relationships and dynamics presented.
We know that a lack of education can lead to issues such as STD transmission and unplanned pregnancies, but it can also result in emotionally and psychologically damaging experiences, confusing moral situations, grey areas around consent, and in extreme cases, sexual deviance and violence. For these reasons it is imperative that we front up and have these hard conversations to make sure our kids understand what it means to have healthy intimate lives.
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